Jill O’Boyle shares the topic ‘Authentically You – Your Best Gift’ and gives you tips on how being your most authentic self can help you feel better and get more done.
Here is the transcript from the presentation:
Jill: Thank you so much for those kind words. That’s super nice. All right, let’s dive in here. Alright, you should be seeing my screen with some people. All right, great.
Jill: So, yes, so, as we’re going to talk about authentically you. Your truly is your best, best gift, and we’ve heard this word right. We hear this word all the time. Like, be authentic, show up authentically. And we know that as business owners and people that are in the professional world, like, I believe that many people know that authenticity in the workplace does matter. It truly does.
Jill: But I believe that so many of us really do struggle with this word of being authentic. And so, I kind of want to just talk about that like, why do we why do we struggle?
Jill: And I think it starts with, we really have to know who we are. We have to know who we are. We go to all these networking events and just, like, we opened up today, right, we go to these networking events, we go to business luncheons, we go to coffee meetings and the number one question is what? Tell me a little bit more about you, right, and feel free anytime to either unmute or just type it in the chat. OK, so tell me a little bit more about you. And so that’s what I was actually gonna open up with, which Jamie already did it, so that’s great.
Jill: So, we heard a little bit from Jamie, we heard a little bit from Payge. So, I love that, Payge says she’s loud. I’m loud too, and don’t ever take that back.
Jill: So, usually what happens is when I ask this question, right, I say all right, tell me a little bit about you and usually what happens is we list off all the things. I’m a coach, I’m a speaker, I’m an author.
Jill: Let me go back, right, we list off the things that we do. I’m a high performance coach, I’m an author. I’m a speaker, I’m a podcast host. I’m a wife. I’m a mom. Woman of faith. And that’s usually what we get.
Jill: But we know that that really isn’t who you are. Because really what all that is, is just a bunch of titles and that doesn’t tell me anything about who you are to the core. And so, I love to really talk about this, because for so long, I didn’t know who I was outside of my title in my career, I had no idea who I was.
Jill: And so, my self worth and my identity just got really, really tied up into who, what I did right? What my job was, what my title was. And so, I spent most of my life just really checking off the boxes. I was just going through the motions of life, just checking off the boxes, living my life for what other people thought I should do. And then I had this, like, really skewed version of what success was.
Jill: And so back then in that time of my life, I had this vision of success, like, it was tied to how busy I was, like, Oh, if I’m going to be successful then it means I have to work a lot. It’s how much I work, how many hours I put in, if I’m going to be successful, it’s really tied to the amount of money that’s on my paycheck. And then, if I’m gonna be successful, it probably means that I need to act a certain way, or I need to adapt in certain situations or places.
Jill: And so that went on for a really, really long time. To the point that I remember standing in the mirror, looking at myself. And I’m like, I don’t even know who I am anymore? Like, these unhealthy patterns just started shaping my life and the reason for that is because I really did not have a true sense of my own identity. So, that’s why I love to talk about being authentic.
Jill: And so, I remember standing in the mirror and I was looking at myself. And I’m like, man, I am just so burned out. I’m so stressed, like, I know I literally need to make a change. But I just don’t know what else I would do, like, outside of being a project manager, outside of being a wife, and a mom. Like, what else would I do?
Jill: And so, did you catch that? Like, I was still standing, knowing I needed to make a change, but yet, I was still assuming that my identity was my career, like, Ohh, project management isn’t working for me. So, let me just figure out what else I should do. So, I just was completely, you know, stressed, burned out. And so, that went on for a little bit.
Jill: And then finally, I got myself back in the mirror again, and I’m standing there and I was like, OK, OK. I can feel the presence of Michael Jackson, I know you just thought I was going to say Holy Spirit. I stood in that mirror and I just started hearing this rhythm. I was like, I’m staring at the woman in the mirror. I’m asking her to make some changes.
Jill: Finally, thank you, Michael Jackson and the Holy Spirit for coming over me and realizing that if I want to make some changes, if I want some help, if I want some relief, I’ve gotta start getting back in touch with me. I’ve gotta start making some changes in my life and getting back in touch with my true authentic self.
Jill: My true identity, like, my identity is not shaped by what I do, how much money I make, and the relationships that I’m in, it’s really, I gotta find myself. I gotta start finding myself again.
Jill: And so, before I could find myself though, I really started asking really deep questions and really figuring out, like, what happened. Like, how did I get so far removed from being me?
Jill: And what I realized was, there’s two things that go on, and I think this happens with a lot of people, that there’s a root problem that keeps people from truly showing up as their true authentic self and those are two things, they’re the 2 P’s.
Jill: All right, so people pleasing. So, it dawned on me that, you know, I kind of said that I alluded to, like, I was living my life for other people. So, what happens is we don’t wanna be our true authentic self. Because what happens is we try to just dim our light, we try to dim our light to fit in, to make other people feel comfortable. We start not showing up as our true our authentic self for the fear of what other people may say, and so then we start just saying yes, like, I became this, just yes, girl. I was saying yes to all kinds of certain situations, places, things that I had no part being in. But it was because of this fear of what others would think if I really said what I really wanted to say, speaking my truth. And so, we just hold back. We mute our voice.
Jill: And so, then on the other end is this perfectionism. And if you’re a high achiever, if you fall in any Enneagram, if you follow the Enneagram, like I’m an anagram 3, right? We are high achievers, so you know that perfectionism, like, it comes up all the time. And so, it’s this fear of just not being good enough. It’s this misperception of what success is, and that’s what you heard in my earlier story is, that I just had this vision that in order to be successful, I got to be perfect.
Jill: Well, what is perfect?
Jill: It does not exist. Actually, it does exist. You are perfect. You are whole. You are awesome just the way you are it. It’s not something you can obtain because you already have it. It’s already inside of you. But, what we do is we settle for this. I’m not good enough. We hear the voices of that and then we just start comparing ourselves to other people and then that that sends us on this, on this trail of thinking, Ohh well, you know, what that worked for them, so let me try that.
Jill: Well, that’ll never work, right? Because that’s their story. That’s their life. And that’s what, they’re probably in their authentic gift. You have your own journey and you need to stay there.
Jill: And so, I found that in this people pleasing and perfectionism, the common denominator here is what it’s really fear. That’s all that is. Ohh, my gosh. Fear will hold you back from being your true authentic self time and time and time and time and time again.
Jill: They’re both rooted in fear. So, that is in people pleasing. That is just fear of rejection. It’s just fear of just speaking your truth, owning your power. Owning your loudness as Payge is, like, no, you be loud, Payge. Keep faith, your faith in your business. They are all in one, like, so keep marching on to that. And don’t worry about what other people think, right?
Jill: And then and then perfectionism, all that is, is fear of rejection. Sorry, in perfectionism, that’s all that is, is fear of failure. It’s this fear of failure, and most importantly, outside of that it’s just, the overall thing is it’s just this fear of what other people think. And in society, where we have social media, where we’re just trying to, you know, look at our likes and followers and we’re looking at other people and that’s going to really rob us from being our true, authentic self.
Jill: So, you might be sitting here, you might be thinking, OK, Jill, Yeah, I’ve heard all this before. And maybe I do have a little bit of people pleasing and maybe I do have a little bit of perfectionism. But I really think I’m authentic. I really think I speak my truth. I think, you know, I’ve heard this before, and that’s awesome. Like, great.
Jill: Here’s the question I want to ask all of us, as people that are in professionals and business owners, I want you to really, really dive into this question then. If I lost this business or if I lost my job today, would my identity still be fully intact?
Jill: So, today if I lost my business and if I lost my job, would my identity still be fully intact? I’m so secure in who I am that, honestly, I’m OK. So, go ahead, if you want to really practice being authentic. I want you to answer that and type it in. Yes, your identity would still fully be intact or no, it would not.
Jill: Can I see the chat? I think I have them here.
Jamie: I can move that over.
Jill: OK, mostly, yeah. Oh, you’re an Enneagram 6. OK, Yep, it should be. I checked this recently and I felt I wouldn’t be as credential or helpful.
Jill: OK, so here’s the thing. I got some good news, so, if you said yes, right? And so, Jamie said mostly. So, I’m gonna, I’m always, say, well, let’s just be more authentic and say yes, you’d be, you’d be secure.
Jamie: We can interact if you wanna talk to us that’s fine.
Jill: Yeah, yeah, just talk. That’ll be easier, especially once it’s a small crowd. All right.
Jill: So, inwardly sound. I would say that that means for people that said, answer that question, if you’re watching it on the replay, if you said, yeah, I think I would still, my identity would still be fully intact, then my gut tells me that you are an inwardly sound person and that is a great leadership quality. Inwardly sound, meaning like you’re so self-aware, you’re so self-secure, you are wired, your unique gifts and how they affect other people, right? Like, your leader, in leadership, you’re probably, you’re really effective about driving the business forward because you’re so secure of your gifts. And then you’re also probably others’ focused. You know what other people’s gifts are.
Jill: And so, you would probably say you know what? I don’t fear failure, like, I realized that failure is part of success. And so, sometimes we win. Sometimes we learn right, but we never lose. And so, my identity is not going to be skewed, because I know that there’s probably something better coming or there’s something that wasn’t meant to be in this season of my life and I’m not gonna worry about what other people think. I’m not gonna worry what they say, like, ohh, she failed, right? So, that would be inwardly sound.
Jill: If you said no, hey, thanks for being authentic. Thanks for being honest and real. Like, kudos to that. And here’s some things that we can do.
Jill: So, these are the questions that I think are really, really important to think about, like, if you did say, oh, I don’t know, if I really lost my job, I think that would crush my identity. Then I want you to ask these three questions. And these are the, really those three questions, when MJ was like, really feeling me and I was standing in that mirror and I was really asking to get back to who I was, these are the questions that I really dug in really, really deep.
Jill: And that is, who am I? Like, who am I? Wwy do I matter? Because, surely I was put on this earth for a reason and for a purpose, right? And if you don’t know that, you, you absolutely are. You have unique gifts that are uniquely yours.
Jill: And then, what are my core values? What are my core values? What do I stand on? So, core values are our principles that are, they’re our guidelines. They’re our guardrails. They do not shift, and they, and when, you know, your core values, you know what you stand for, and so, it makes decisions that much easier, right?
Jill: It’s either aligned or it’s not aligned with me, and you’re able to do quicker business decisions because they’re like, it’s in my core values, it’s not.
Jill: So, these three things I would take a screen shot of that or I’d write that down and I would really reflect and really get to the root of who you are, why do you matter, and what your core values are. So, as I said, these were the three questions that really helped me to really get back to the root of my authentic self, to really understand who I was.
Jill: And so, the things that I was looking for back then, when I was thinking about looking at my life, there was four things that I was wanting. I wanted fulfillment. I wanted to know that I was making a difference. I wanted to be fulfilled. I wanted freedom. I wanted more joy in my life and I wanted more peace.
Jill: And so, in those, I was still, like I said, remember, I was still trying to find that through my career. I was still trying to find a sense of fulfillment and freedom in my relationships. And so, what I didn’t tell you earlier was, you heard that I was burned out and I was stressed and I started living a really unhealthy lifestyle, well, through all of that, trying to grasp on to these things that I was really craving, you know, I ended up having an affair, right? I was searching for it in a relationship. I was searching for another promotion in my job like I was fixated on all these materialistic things that I thought would fulfill me.
Jill: And I think a lot of times, when we’re not true to our authentic self, that’s what we’re doing. We’re really, what we’re wanting, fulfillment, freedom, joy, peace. What we’re really needing to find is our true identity. We’re really, really needing to search for our true identity, our authentic self and really, really getting back in touch with that.
Jill: Because when you can find that and you could start living it and you could start showing up and being your true awesome self, then guess what? Here’s what you’re going to find, you’re going to be more confident, you’re going to be more fulfilled, you’re gonna have more happiness and joy in your life. You’re actually going to start living a healthier lifestyle. And then you’re going to be aligned with what matters most, like, you’re gonna know, like, this is me. This is who I am.
Jill: And so, I want each and every one of you that’s listening today, like, I think in this world, in society right now, we get so fixated on so many other things. The world is very, very noisy and sometimes we’re struggling.
Jill: This is who I help in my coaching, I help these high achievers who are burned out and stressed, right, because they’re chasing after these things that they think are going to fulfill them. But really, it’s really, we got to get back in touch with our roots and who we are.
Jill: And so, we really need to take some time and discover, you know, who you are, ask those questions. And I really believe, like, this is where you will find that.
Jill: So, how do we do that, though, Jill, that sounds great. But how do I get really started in that?
Jill: So, I wanna leave you. I always wanna leave you with, like, three really good tips to get started. I gave you those questions before, no doubt. Do that. So, here’s some things to think about.
Jill: #1, 1st we got to all do a reality check. And that is, you gotta realize that people think about you less than you worry about you. Like, they are really, really, really not watching you as much as you think they are.
Jill: Like, I know we’re all big deals, though. Jamie, you are a big deal, I’m not diminishing you at all. But people just really aren’t watching you as much as you. So, we got to drop that, right? Drop that people pleasing, realize that, and then go over to Step 2, which is what matters most, right?
Jill: That’s what I talked about before, like really, what is your why in life? Do you know your why?
Jill: Like, that was a game changer for me. Like, what is my why in life? What is the thing that actually gets me out of bed gets me excited for the day? My why in life is to contribute to others. That is, hands down, when I know that I have made a difference in somebody’s life, when I bring success to other people.
Jill: Oh my gosh. Like, it’s like, fires me up inside. So, find out what that is for you, and then find out what is your genius zone, like, what is that unique gift that only you have? Because God instilled in you. And are you living in that genius zone?
Jill: So, I have what I call 2 zones, and they are one is 1 gift that I am just naturally gifted in as a gift of discernment. So, that means I have a natural gift and enjoy, of like, being very intuitive and insightful when like ideas are presented to me. I knew this as a very young girl, like, I lived by my intuition, and that got me really far. Like, if I felt it, I was like, Yep, I’m gonna do that. Gonna do that. I’m gonna do that. And I did that for quite some time, until I got into, like, about my 30s.
Jill: And then the world started shaping my identity, right? All that people pleasing and perfectionism really started taking root. And I started being, like, ohh yeah, I was just having fun in my 20s. Like, I really wasn’t I just got lucky. I don’t know, like, I dismissed my gift. And no, my gift was, like I just have that natural gift of, like, leaning into understanding. And so, that works great in business, because and I’ve seen that in my business where people come to me because they’re, you know what, Let’s ask Jill, she always has really good, sound advice.
Jill: And I use it just based on a gut read. I’m very, like, God has given me a gift of very strong intuition.
Jill: My other zone is, so that’s discernment, my other zone is enablement. Sometimes people are like, enabling that sounds bad, but it’s actually motivating. It’s this natural gift of inspiring people. I have a gift of motivation. That’s why I’m a motivational speaker. It’s why I’m a coach. I have a gift of speaking to people and bringing life to them, bringing light into their life, and then also motivating them. If they’re working on a project, like, I’m the best at being that cheerleader. That’s probably why I was cheerleader in high school. I love to get people fired up about things, so that’s great.
Jill: And so, when I started reflecting on all this, I started realizing why I was getting so burned out. Inny project management career, for a season, I was working in those zones, I was using those, my natural gifts, my authentic gifts for a while, and then I got promoted to be a manager and I was super excited to do that because I was like, yes, like, I love to fire people up. The problem with that is, I was in a culture in a work environment where they didn’t see the value of having managers be managers.
Jill: So, I was a working manager that was inundated with project, after projects, high end projects, and so I could only give my working genius zone my gifts, like, only a little bit of my time and the rest I was kind of here in project zone.
Jill: And so, I’ve realized that as I reflected back, that I was just not maximizing my authentic gift the best.
Jill: And when you are in those zones, you’ll find that, you’re going to find more freedom and fulfillment and joy, because it’s authentically you. It comes super natural to you. So, there’s an awesome book if you guys haven’t heard of it. It’s The Six [Types] of Working Genius. You can go to workinggenius.com. You can actually take an assessment, and it’ll tell you what are your, what is your genius zone? And explore that and see if you have been feeling burned out or if you feel like you haven’t been showing up your authentic self. It’s probably because you’re not aligned in your authentic zone that you’ve been created for, and so I would, I would encourage you to explore that and get back in touch with that, that part of you.
Jill: [Unintelligible] is retire, replace and repeat. And simply, that means we have to retire those old thoughts that have been filling our mind. We have to stop people pleasing and perfectionism, right? Letting that go and replacing it with your truth, realizing who you are to the core and start showing up every single day like that, and then repeat it, because it doesn’t come easy.
Jill: Like, being authentic is not usually easy for people, like, I understand that, like, it takes practicing, right? It takes practice, being competent and being truthful to who you are. So just retire the old thoughts, replace it with your truth, and just keep repeating that and keep doing it over and over.
Jill: The more that you do it, I always say practice. It will not make perfect, but it’ll be progress. You will keep trying every single day. You’ll get better and better and better. And when you do that, then you’re going to find all those things that we’ve been searching for, like when you’re stepping to your authentic self, you’re going to be more fulfilled, you’re gonna have more freedom, you’re gonna have more joy in your life.
Jill: But I also want you to remember something. And that’s why I put this last bullet on, like, when you do start stepping into your authentic self, when you start really speaking up for things that you truly believe in, when you start being that, like, don’t be surprised if you might lose some people along the way. OK.
Jill: And I want you to, I want you to realize that that’s actually a blessing. Because sometimes there’s people that come into our lives for seasons and reasons. Rejection is God’s protection. This was a, this is a thing that I had to get in my mind, because I am, that people pleasing comes up so strong sometimes. But I had to realize, when I started speaking my truth, some people didn’t like to hear it or they didn’t believe the same things that I believe.
Jill: And so, I had to really hone into that, you know what, rejection is God’s protection. And The thing is, you are now climbing higher. You’re stepping into your authority. You’re stepping into your authentic self, and unfortunately, they’re still down here, living in fear. So, you’re climbing higher. They’re in fear, and it’s OK to lose some people along the way, cause what’s going to happen is, is some better things are coming ahead that you don’t even know about yet. So truly, truly, truly start stepping into your authority.
Jill: Start coming back into your true self. Start believing in your knowing your why, what matters most, and think less about other people, the naysayers and the haters.
Jill: I have so much fulfillment and joy. If you can’t see it, I’m in my genius zone today because I love being here. I love speaking. I love motivating. I love instilling people to live their best life, right? Life’s too short not to.
Jill: So, I’ll give you this next slide because I gave you all about my titles before.
Jill: When I started diving in deep and I found my true authentic self outside of the titles, outside of the world, outside of what everybody else says I am, here’s my, here’s my, here is me. I am a contributor. I love to help people. I’m a great communicator. I’m outgoing, I’m trustworthy. I’m empathetic, I’m energetic. I am pretty contagious personality, so I hear I’m a leader. But most importantly, I am a child of the most high God and I’m fearlessly and wonderfully made, and that is what is my truth and my authentic self.
Jill: And so I want you guys all to dig in deep, find out who you are and then start stepping into this world because the world needs more of you.
Jill: That’s all I got for you today and this is all where you can find me. If you’ve loved anything I shared, this is, I have a podcast. As Jamie mentioned earlier, your life, your story rises up. I speak on communication, productivity, habits, purpose and authenticity, and shoot me an e-mail. I love people clearly, so let’s connect.
Jamie: Paige, do you have any thoughts or questions or anything you’d like to ask Jill?
Payge: Um, I guess my one question, and I guess I play around with it a lot, is the values. I’ve been doing a lot of research on different types of values and things like that. But then I feel like I’m just taking things from the Internet and applying them to me. And how do you know if you align with that value or not?
Jill: And this was an amazing exercise that I had to do as well. And I found out that I because people hear core values all the time and they say, oh, I know my, I know my companies core values. But nobody thinks about core values as like your individual core values. And so, I did the same thing and I realized I had to think about, OK, what do I stand for?
Jill: And if you do a Google search, like you said, you’re gonna find, like, all these words, right? There’s so many values that we can stand on and here’s what I would say is, I would, I would take a list and I have one, I can send them to anybody on this call. I have a whole list of them. And what I say is go through that list.
Jill: And I want you to identify as very important to me, important to me, and not important. So, maybe get, like, 3 different colors of highlighters and go through, and you’re going to find, you’re going to be highlighting a lot of stuff like, well, that’s important, that’s important, like, but everything can’t be important, right?
Jill: So, then you’re gonna go back through that list again and you’re going to narrow it down to, you’re going to look at only your very important list, and I want you to look at, I want you to circle only 10 of them.
Jill: And then I want you to go back and look at it again, and I want you to get down to three. And I want, and honestly do not overthink it. Just like go with your gut, like, fast as you can go. Because if you sit there and overthink it, you’re gonna say well, well, yeah, I, faith is a core value, but also, like, you know, contributing is a core value, like, which one weighs higher. Just don’t overthink it. Just go with your gut.
Payge: Alright, thank you.
Jamie: That is awesome. Thank you.
