Jack Klemeyer shares advice for changing your mindset.
Here is the transcript from the presentation:
Ryan: All right. So Next up, I’d like to introduce our speaker today, Jack Klemeyer, who, we connected a few times over the years, in a few different places and, and when we were looking for speakers that would be able to provide a great presentation and a lot of information that small business owners find value in across any industry, Jack was an incredibly popular recommendation among our members.
Ryan: So, everyone, let’s give Jack a hand, and Jack you have the floor.
Jack: Thanks, Ryan. Thank you again for the opportunity. Thanks, everybody.
Jack: Fascinating where, what you all do and where you’re all from.
Jack: I’m busy copying all your contact information into a word doc so I can, I guess I could just wait and get the, the chat, but it’s just more fun to be on your own, right? To do your own thing, yeah.
Jack: So let me share my screen here. I’ve got a little PowerPoint I just want to share with you. This talk, the talk I’m going to talk about today is called the MF factor- Not What You Think.
Jack: A lot of people, you know, they, they have a challenge with, uh, we get in our own way.
Jack: You guys have all mentioned it, some of you guys are, do, are coaches and that venue and, and take care of people in that way.
Jack: But the MF factor, I noticed it in myself and then also was just through some sports psychology training working with my partner Tom Richardson, the MF factor.
Jack: So, we’ll explore some ideas.
Jack: You all can see that, right? Thumbs up. You can see that. OK, good.
Jack: So, there’s a quote. I think, it’s, I don’t know if it’s my favorite quote. It’s kind of like, what’s the best invention or greatest invention that it’s, there’s so many, right? But this quote comes back to me countless times a day.
Jack: It’s by Carl Jung and it says, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you call it fate.
Jack: And so, so, many times I see, I see people get in their own way. I see people, you know, just do silly things that they get in their own way, and I’ve been guilty of that myself and show of hands, anybody else been guilty of getting in your own way before? Anybody else? Yeah, thanks for being honest. That’s true.
Jack: So, let’s talk about our mind. Let’s talk about one of the things about our mind. Our mind is very powerful.
Jack: Like, you know, when we have a nightmare or something like that, it’s we are literally in the scene, I mean we, we create a movie or something and so our mind is very powerful.
Jack: These are sports psychology ideas here.
Jack: So then, and then you can control your mind. You can actually control it, there, there are monks in Tibet that can, you know go out in below 0 weather with a, a wet towel and, but, through their use of their mind, they can dry the towel or dry the sheet. They can, they can stay out, and things like that, so, you can control your mind.
Jack: But we don’t give ourselves credit for the control we have over our mind, and the last one is, we have a choice in every situation.
Jack: And that’s one I think that we forget about. We forget that we have that choice.
Jack: Usually, some stimulus happens in a response, fires off or you know, something happens.
Jack: I think it was Viktor Frankel that said, you know that space between stimulus and response, that’s, that’s freedom that that gives us the ability to choose.
Jack: And so, remember, no matter what happens to you, you have a choice. You have a choice in that situation and it’s easier.
Jack: Sometimes I think for me, my strategy is, is just to, in my mind, I slow down. I calm down, and I, I think what are my options?
Jack: But, you know, this happened, now what? What do I do?
Jack: And so, it doesn’t really slow me down, it’s just, I use that as a metaphor to slow down because sometimes I’m kind of fast-paced, so, but, you know, sometimes, sometimes content presents itself.
Jack: So, a friend of mine posted this on Facebook this morning. She says when I get married, I will sign my marriage certificate by pencil. I can’t take the risk.
Jack: So just imagine, if you will, walk that through that, OK? This is her mindset going into being married, right? She’s going to sign it in pencil because she can’t take the risk.
Jack: So, type in the chat, what questions would you say to her instead of this?
Jack: What would you say? What would you say? What would you say to her, would you say to my friend? Just type in the chat. I’m watching it.
Jack: What would you? What would you type in? Well, just type something in the chat. What would you say to her?
Jack: Do you also have an eraser? That’s a good one, yeah. Are you expecting it to fail, right? Yeah, that’s right.
Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jack: If you’re not sure, yeah, it can’t be permanent, right?
Jack: So, I think it’s just interesting that she says when I get married. Uh, yeah. So, all right.
Jack: So then, there’s three things that hold us back, and it all boils down to these three things.
Jack: You may say, well, it’s the, whether it’s this, it’s that, it’s really three things.
Jack: Limiting beliefs. We don’t think we can. We don’t think we’re good enough. We don’t think, we don’t think we’re able to, whatever the case might be. That’s limiting beliefs.
Jack: The next one is a low expectation. That’s what my friend had, right?
Jack: She certainly had a low expectation about her marriage, if she gets married or when she gets married.
Jack: And the last one is an ineffective strategy, usually, usually the bottom 2 fall back to the top one. It’s because by limiting beliefs we created low expectations.
Jack: It’s because of our limiting beliefs that we had an ineffective strategy.
Jack: So, you know, someone puts that out there and says, you know, I don’t know why my marriages always fail, but they have the attitude, I’m going to write, sign my marriage certificate in pencil.
Jack: So, usually outside of yourself, you can see, you can see where it’s going to hit the road, you can see where problems might occur.
Jack: So, here’s the MF factor. This is, this is what happens, right?
Jack: So, an external stimulus happens, whatever that might be. There’s an external stimulus, and then we have beliefs that we’ve built up over time. You can think of beliefs like legs on a table, and those legs are experiences. And those experiences then cause us to form a belief.
Jack: Now those experiences, the interesting thing is those experiences could be real. They could be imagined.
Jack: They can witness, we could witness, we could, I could see Cindy have a situation, and then because of her situation, I form a belief around it.
Jack: I could see Ryan do something. And because of his experience, I form my belief around it.
Jack: So, belief is certainly an interesting thing.
Jack: But usually an external stimulus happens, causes are, goes up against our beliefs and then we start to have thoughts about that, right?
Jack: We start to think about it, we start to ponder it, and those thoughts move us to action. It creates, it creates emotion.
Jack: So, it’s actually 2 steps there. The thoughts create emotions which produce an action, and then the actions produce a result.
Jack: And there’s an old story about a golfer one time that said, you know, when he missed a short putt and he said, I knew I was going to miss that. That’s the MF factor in motion right there, because there’s a thing called the, our belief system story, our BS story, that we tell ourselves, that justifies why it didn’t work.
Jack: So, when our results happen, we say, well, I knew that would be the case or I told you that would work or I thought that’s the way it was. Sometimes we do that to protect ourselves, but certainly if that’s there, it’s causing us to have a challenge.
Jack: And so that external stimulus goes, goes up against our beliefs, causes our thoughts to get to emotion, to take action, produces a result, and then we justify the result. I knew I couldn’t make it, or I’m jinxed from the line, or I can’t drive a stick shift right or whatever it might be, whatever it might be.
Jack: So, be aware of this, because this happens to us all the time. Happens to us all the time.
Jack: If you want to make a change here, most folks focus on the actions. Like, OK, we’ll try this differently. But that’s a short term, that, that won’t produce long term results.
Jack: The thing you got to work on is the thoughts. The thoughts, how are they thinking about the situation?
Jack: So, when someone having repeated problems over and over again, with the right tone of voice, you can say, well, walk me through what you’re thinking.
Jack: When that happens, walk me through how you were thinking about that or what were you thinking?
Jack: And that helps produce a new emotion, new action, new results.
Jack: But if we just focus on the actions, not, not going to change, right? So, that self-awareness, back to that, back to that quote kind of by Carl Jung, right. But, it’s self-awareness, self-awareness allows us to self-correct, another quote here from Sun Tzu that says, Victorious Warriors win first in their minds and then go to war, while defeated, defeated Warriors go to war first and then seek to win in their mind.
Jack: So, if awareness is the key, let’s talk about that. What’s that look like?
Jack: So, you’ve got to first of all recognize your thinking, then refocus your thinking.
Jack: First step is recognize your thinking, then refocus.
Jack: If you don’t like something, change it. And if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.
Jack: So, sometimes you have to step away from yourself. Step outside of yourself in a metaphoric way. But think about it, OK, what could work differently? What could work differently?
Jack: There’s a book called, love this book. It’s called Change Your Questions, Change Your Life, because so many of us have that internal voice that cuts us down or asks us silly questions, and that’s that voice right now that you’re saying, I don’t have a voice inside my head.
Jack: Well, that’s the internal voice I’m talking about. It’s the one that we all have. And sometimes that voice, it wants to protect us, that’s its purpose, is to protect us. But it doesn’t know how to do it.
Jack: So, it falls back on old ways to protect us and, and to keep us safe. And we have to teach it new ways, right?
Jack: So, this book Change Your Questions, Change Your Life, it’s by a lady called Marilee Adams, that, that QR code there on the screen will get, you can download this graphic if you’d like to, but you can just hold your smartphone over that if you’re not on your phone and it’ll take you to just to download.
Jack: It doesn’t collect your contact information, it just gives you the sheet. But basically, what happens is, when something happens, right, that’s where, over here on the left-hand side of the screen.
Jack: Well, we have a choice. This is that choice piece. We can go down the judger path that says who’s to blame? Why am I so silly? What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t that work? And you eventually get into a judger pit. A pit of self-pity. Uh, a pit of just beating yourself up.
Jack: I’ve been there before. Maybe you’ve been there too, right?
Jack: What we what we need to know is we can switch lanes.
Jack: And so, when something happens, whenever we take an action, whenever we execute something, we have to think about, OK, what happened? What worked? What would I do different next time, right?
Jack: So, think about what would I do different next time. That’s the key piece.
Jack: What worked? ‘Cause so many times we’re stuck in the junk of what didn’t work.
Jack: So, what worked?
Jack: So, here’s how we take control. Cancel a negative thought. First of all, you recognize it. Cancel it. Replace it with a positive one, or a positive strategy, or a different strategy.
Jack: And second, collect, create new routines, new habits of thought.
Jack: So, usually the new habits are a little challenging to make.
Jack: Just put your hands together. If you can see me on the screen, just put your hands together, however they fall. Put your hands together.
Jack: Let’s, let’s just see ‘em on the screen. Let me see your hands. Let’s put them together, yeah.
Jack: And then just move everything up one finger so that the thumb that was on top is now in the bottom. Everything moves up one finger.
Jack: How does that feel when you do that, how does that feel?
Jack: This, either come off mute or type in the chat, how does that feel when you change that to different?
Jack: How does that feel? What’s that feel? I’m comfortable. A lot of times people say awkward. Yeah, good, awkward good.
Jack: No, I mean, that’s right.
Jack: So, that’s the thing. And so, when we feel, whenever we’re trying to change, we experience that difference and we say, ooh, I don’t like that. I’m going to go back to the way I’ve been doing it, which is not working for us, but at least I’m comfortable with it.
Jack: So, when you think about that, you think, OK, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I gotta try something new.
Jack: So, you’ve got that new routine, helps you set up a new habit, right?
Jack: So, something different. John Maxwell says, until you, until you change something you do daily, you’ll never really experience success. That the secret to success is found in your daily routine, your daily routine, so, quote kind of about stress. But, our greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.
Jack: So, my challenge to you going forward is to think about, start to notice, start to become aware, start to think about, what am I thinking at the end of the day? Take a little time to reflect on how was my thinking today. And you can ask yourself a question in this way.
Jack: You can say, OK, on a scale of 1 to 10, where one was terrible, ten was perfect, where was I today? And it doesn’t really matter what the answer is, because the next question is the one that matters.
Jack: And that next question is, what can I do tomorrow to move me one step closer to a 10? Whatever number I was today, what can I do tomorrow that’ll move me one step closer to a 10? And then do that one thing tomorrow.
Jack: If you do those things, you start to be aware of how you’re thinking. You start to be aware of what’s going on in your mind, you’ll have a whole new pattern of, of behavior which will produce new results, better results.
Jack: So, at the end of the day, ask yourself that 1 to 10 question, how did I do today on my thinking? Was I a 1 terrible or was I a 10 great? What do I need to do tomorrow to move me closer to a 10?
Jack: So, it’s a pleasure to share with the group today. I, I, I love this topic, it, it happens all the time. It’s the core of what I do.
Jack: The MF factor happens, it happens all the time.
Jack: Sometimes it happens, we don’t even realize it’s happening.
Jack: So, I’ll turn control back to you, Mr. Ryan.
Ryan: Alright, now if anyone has any questions for Jack, please unmute yourself and ask away.
Jack: Yeah, yeah or yeah.
Ryan: Not all at once now.
Jack: Yeah, really. We’re overwhelmed here, you know, right? And so, many times we can’t see that we’re in this, we’re stuck in that in an ineffective MF Factor loop, right?
Jack: We’re stuck in that loop, but we can’t see it, and so, it, that’s why it helps to have a coach or a therapist.
Jack: Like no, any, you know that, that, think about, OK, how, what’s an outside observer see, third person. Yeah, Noemi?
Noemi: Who has had the greatest influence on your thinking?
Jack: Who’s had the greatest influence on my thinking?
Noemi: Yeah, I guess.
Jack: Oh, that’s a great question.
Noemi: There are many, but somebody who comes to mind and what specifically influence the way you perceive the world and, and the way you conceptualize, for instance, coaching and approach things.
Jack: Yeah, great ques-, wow, great questions.
Jack: So, I think probably the foremost, uh, impact on my thinking is a guy named Jim Rohn. He’s passed away now, but he was a speaker. He, he taught Tony Robbins, a kind of a way of life, and, and Darren Hardy and, so many people worked for, for Jim Rohn.
Jack: Jim Brown was just a business guy, but I love his philosophy. Also, I’d have to say John Maxwell is, has hugely shaped the way I think. Those two come to mind is Jim Rohn and John Maxwell. Those two and more.
Jack: They’re more 20th century people than some of the great philosophers, but that’s, that helps me, I, I can understand that, I can, I can live with that. And then the second part of that question was.
Noemi: So, what was unique about the, the way they, they looked at the world or the way they articulated it that spoke to you and you were able to integrate it into your own model of the world?
Jack: Yeah, yeah great. It, it made it made sense. It, it also allowed me to self-reflect.
Jack: Uhm, there’s, there’s a, there’s an audio of Jim Rohn talking about somebody who was in a multi-level marketing thing and, and he said, you know, when you sow seeds. We used the parable of the Sower, when you sow seeds, some will fall on fertile ground. Some will fall on rocky ground and get choked out, and some of them, the birds will get, you know.
Jack: And so, when you, when you expect someone to show up, be it a client, prospect or whatever. Uh, I can still hear his voice saying, you know, it’s the birds, the birds, the birds are coming.
Jack: Or somebody tells you I can’t make it to your meeting because I’ve got new shoelaces to put in my shoes, it’s the birds, right?
Jack: So, just simple little anecdotes like that from, from Jim Rohn that helped me. Wow, yeah. And then Maxwell pulls stuff together so well, just his philosophy on accepting, uh, you know, is that he accept, for me to be valued by you, I have to, I have to value you. And I think I knew that earlier, but I didn’t understand. I couldn’t articulate it, so.
Jack: Good questions.
Noemi: Thank you.
Jack: Sure, my pleasure.
Ryan: Any other questions? It must be the cold, yeah. That that must be it.
Jack: It’s all good.
Ryan: So, Jack, I, I’ll ask you a question. What advice would you offer to someone if you could, if, if you observe that they’re struggling and, and they’re going down that path of blaming others, blaming themselves, and what advice do you offer them?
Jack: Well, it depends on how close I am to him. But, if I, if I have rapport with them, if I’ve connected with them, I’ll say, well, let’s make a list of the things that are wrong, and then I’ll point out that the only person that’s not on their list is them. That’s one, one way I’ve done it.
Jack: The other way is to say I’ll just ask him a question, how’s that working for you? Right? The way you’re doing stuff? How’s it working? Is it, are the results satisfactory? And if they’re not, let’s talk about it. Right?
Jack: And that’s a that’s a big one, if the results aren’t satisfactory, is it, you know, it’s a call reluctance, is it…?
Jack: I, I was talking to a person this morning on the Maxwell team and he said I have these great conversations in my head about what somebody is going to say and then I don’t bother to call him because I already know what they’re going to say.
Jack: So, how often does that work? He goes well, the times when I’ve called him, it hasn’t been the same conversation. I said, has it been better or been worse, and he said it’s been better.
Jack: What’s that teach you, right? What’re you gonna, what’re you gonna learn from that? And he goes well, I guess, maybe I should call ’em more. OK.
Jack: Is that something you want to do? Is that something you will do?
Jack: And then he’s like, yeah, so we’re going to touch base tomorrow afternoon and see if he actually did that. So, I think that’s what I would say, Ryan, is just how’s that working for you?
Ryan: Does anyone else have a question for Jack?
Noemi: What is 1 important thing that you learned from a client of yours?
Jack: Oh, from a client. Oh man, so many. Yeah, I think it’s just, slow down. Slow down, right? It’s, it’s, it’s going to happen. So, enjoy that journey for one, enjoy the process.
Jack: But the second piece is, you don’t have to, really, you know, they say great hitters in baseball, in their mind, they slow the baseball down that’s coming toward him. And that’s, that’s what I’m saying when I say slow down to think that through, think it through more.
Ryan: And Jack, how can folks get ahold of you if they think of a question later or they’re ready to have a chat?
Jack: Yeah, I’ll put that in the, if I could spell it right. And then I’ll put my phone number in there too, you’re welcome to.
Jack: Yeah, there’s my contact information in the chat box. And if you, if you want, I know a couple will do this, so I’ll do it too, if you want to, to schedule a quick meeting, you can do that right here. It’ll find a convenient time for us, but that’ll, that’ll get us together. So, you can click on that link and we can get together and you’ll be on my calendar. Thanks, Ryan.
Ryan: Well, everyone, let’s give Jack a hand for his presentation today.
Jack: Thank you all.
